Week 4 Story: Thisbe's Fate
Far in the East, in Babylon, there lived two youths surely destined for one another. Pyramus, the pride of his city, and Thisbe, a woman of great beauty, had dwelt in adjacent homes since infancy, growing in stature and love for one another.
The two fell in love through hours of conversation and shared secrets, but as their bond strengthened, so did their parents' resolve to keep them apart. Soon, they were forbidden from speaking, kept from marriage by a will not their own.
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| "Thisbe." By John William Waterhouse. Source: Wikipedia Commons. |
One morning as they met in their spot, tired of being apart, the two formed a plan. They would leave their homes under cover of night, slip out of the city, flee to the country, and meet at the grave of Ninus, under a mulberry tree they had known in their youth.
As the sweet hues of dusk fell that evening, Thisbe slipped out her front door, evading the family's guardsmen and disguised under a veil. She traveled quickly, and arrived at the tomb before Pyramus.
As she awaited her love by the grave, Thisbe was startled by the approach of a lioness just returned from her hunt. The girl fled silently to a nearby cave, but left behind her veil, which she had removed while awaiting Pyramus' arrival. The lioness, mouth still foaming with blood from her hunt, pounced on the veil, which blew in the breeze, and tore it to shreds, staining it with the blood of her prey.
As the lioness wandered off to a nearby spring, Pyramus approached, eager to greet his love. He stopped short in horror at the sight of the veil.
"My dearest," he wept. "How cruel nature is to us! To give us such hope and rip us apart. If only I could have gone instead! Indeed, I will go with you now."
And drawing his sword from his scabbard, overcome with rage and anguish, Pyramus drew his sword through his own heart, stumbling to the ground under the cool of the mulberry tree.
As Pyramus lay on the ground, heart still beating, his betrothed returned, eager to greet him and tell him of her close encounter. As Thisbe approached the tree, her eyes widened with horror and she began to shake, for she recognized Pyramus' form.
Thisbe paused over her lover's body, struck with grief. She knelt to kiss his brow a final time, and he looked up at her, opening his eyes to her face and drawing his final breath.
Thisbe's eyes were overwhelmed with tears and her heart was weak; oh to have lost so much so close to everlasting love!
In the same moment, the girl heard a familiar noise behind her, and thinking quickly, pulled Pyramus' sword from his fading body. Spinning around, Thisbe caught the lioness that slew her love, back for more blood.
Thisbe struck the beast in the throat with the weapon as it leapt at her. She and the lioness fell to the ground together, Thisbe struck down by the beast's weight. She rolled out from under the struggling beast, the depth of her grief empowering her, and stood painfully and triumphantly over the creature, driving a final blow through the beast.
Thisbe returned to Babylon by morning light and mourned Pyramus from afar soon after, banned from his side even in his death.
But Thisbe lived prosperously in Babylon many more years, revered for her skill with a blade and her prowess as a huntress.
Author's note: The original story, similar to that of Romeo and Juliet, has Thisbe find Pyramus' body, then kill herself under the same mulberry tree he dies under to be with him after death. I took some creative license with the ending because I wanted to see a different outcome for one of them, and to rid the story of its overall feel of teenage angst. Thisbe's slaying of the lion and later reputation in Babylon are of my invention, but I hope they make her a stronger character.
Bibliography: Pyramus and Thisbe, Tony Kline. Web source.
I am glad that my curiosity was clarified in the authors note, as half-way through reading the story, I began thinking to myself "hmm, this sounds a lot like the story of Romeo and Juliet!" I have heard of the characters Pyramus and Thisbe before, however I have heard of them in their own respective rights. I am not familiar with the original story, but I believe that your re-tell is an excellent recounter of the original. I do appreciate your verbiage, however, as I found that my biggest challenge when re-writing mythologies is being able to match the language. In many mythology retells, I notice that there is an odd mixture of modern language and old language, which can draw attention from the main idea of the story, and make it somewhat cheesy to read. It makes me question whether your story would be just as good if you used modern vocabulary? Perhaps, or perhaps not. I'll be on the lookout for more of your stories so I can get a good idea of your writing style :)
ReplyDeleteHi Emma! Thank you for sharing this story; it was a joy to read. I think your tone enhances the story. It is smooth, romantic, and easy to read. One question you might want to address in your story is why Thisbe and Pyramus are kept apart. Did their parents have bad blood, or did they disapprove of young love, or was it simple Pyramus and Thisbe's fate? I greatly appreciated the way you changed the ending. Everyone knows the story of Romeo and Juliet, so it is refreshing and surprising when Thisbe actually fights for her life and goes on to find joy and accomplishment outside of her young love. You're right that it makes her a stronger character and doesn't reek so much of teenage angst! I felt that the dialogue highlighted the tragedy that Thisbe and Pyramus faced. For example, Pyramus's line about nature being cruel to him and his dearest conveyed his despondency very well. I had such a good time reading this story, and I'm excited to see what else you write!
ReplyDeleteHey, Emma, I love the direction you took with this story. I have read Pyramus and Thisbe many times and have experienced it in other forms as well such as in Shakespeare's "Romeo & Juliet" and the play within a play in "A Midsummer Night's Dream." What really stood out to me was your tone and descriptions. Your descriptions lend themselves very well to the story and your tone allows the reader to feel what your characters feel. My absolute favorite moment was toward the end where Thisbe "stood painfully and triumphantly over the creature." That description creates such a rich image in the reader's mind. I also really loved your decision to make Thisbe a strong female character rather than an angsty teenager - it worked so very well. The only thing I would have liked to see is a little bit of explanation as to why the two were kept apart. I think knowing more about the families histories and why the two weren't allowed to be together would just make the tragedy at the end that much more powerful. Other than that, well done!
ReplyDeleteYou succeeded, the ending does indeed make Thisbe look stronger. I was reading through, thinking the whole time, "This is just Romeo and Juliet retold in a Mythological form... did Emma happen to not understand the point of the assignment?". I didn't recognize that Pryam and Thisbe had a story! I wonder if this is where William Shakespeare got his inspiration or if it just happens to be a coincidence.
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